Stephen Colbert is finally known. After administering The Colbert Questionert to more than 80 celebrity guests during his tenure on The Late Show, Colbert finally took the quiz himself during the program’s penultimate episode on Wednesday night. A handful of past Questinert participants and other celebrity pals were on hand to ask the questions, including Jeff Daniels, Robert De Niro, Amy Sedaris, Ben Stiller,M Mark Hamill, Aubrey Plaza, his wife Evie, and former CBS News anchor John Dickerson.
Find Colbert’s answers along with the full video segment below. For more, check out our list of the 11 Best Colbert Questionert Interviews.
What’s the best sandwich?
“There’s a summer sandwich and then there’s every other part of the year sandwich, and if we’re talking summer, it’s a tomato sandwich on very thin white bread with a lot of salt and pepper, maybe a little mayo, and you eat it over the sink. It’s called a sink sandwich because it just falls apart in your hand.
“The rest of the year, wherever you are, the rest of the year is hot pastrami on rye with a little bit of mustard. And if the guy behind the counter is willing, a little coleslaw on there, and if it’s not kosher deli, I’ll take a little Munster on there.”
What is the first concert you attended?
“The first concert I attended was at Gaillard Auditorium in Charleston, South Carolina. I went with my mom. It was in 1977. It was Chuck Mangione, the “Children of Sanchez Tour.”
What is the scariest animal?
The trapdoor spider
Apples or oranges?
“You can’t put peanut butter on oranges”
Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?
“I did a bit with Steve Martin years ago, the first time I ever had him on the old show. I’m a huge fan of Steve Martin, like he’s in my Mount Rushmore of comedy, and as part of it, we were talking about a painting and we added to the painting a little cutout of Steve’s head. It was from his headshot. And when the show was over, I said, ‘Hey, would you mind signing this?’ So he just signed across the top of his face, and I had it framed on a lovely little background and hung in my office. But I hung it, or whoever hung it, hung it where there used to be a clock in my office.
“We’re always on deadline here and that clock is just spinning around super fast, so I would just look up to see what time it was and there would be the picture. So I like to say in my office, ‘It’s always Steve Martin o’clock.’”
What do you think happens when we die?
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“I think there is some continuance of some kind. But it’s like a dispersion of the self into some other greater being.”
Favorite action movie?
Raiders of the Lost Arc
Window or Aisle?
Aisle
Favorite smell?
When his wife gets out of the shower
Least favorite smell?
The grease underneath his childhood next-door neighbor Mrs. Miller’s sink.
Earliest memory?
His mom painting his bedroom and him trying to tell her a dream he had about an albino gorilla.
“I remember being frustrated that she couldn’t quite understand what I was trying to tell her, but I remember what I was trying to tell her, and what I was trying to tell her was my earliest memory. Because I was trying to tell her about the dream I’d had the night before, and I remember I had a dream about Snowflake, the albino gorilla that was at the National Zoo. There was a pure white gorilla at the National Zoo, and I had a dream of an albino King Kong. … And that’s what I couldn’t get across to my mom. So I have an inception in my memory. I have another dream in my memory, and that’s my earliest memory is not being able to tell my mom my memory.”
Cats or dogs?
Dogs
You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?
Glenn Gould’s “Song Without Words in E Major, Op. 19, No. 1”
What number am I thinking of?
3
How would you describe the rest of your life in 5 words?
My Family. My Friends. Fun.
